Roasted Turkeys
by Shalan the Magnificent
Summary: Oneshot. Kazumi goes to Uryu’s house to cook Christmas dinner for his father what mishaps will emerge from this mixture? Written within the Twisting universe. IshiOC


**Title: **Roasted Turkeys

**Summary: **Oneshot. Kazumi goes to Uryu's house to cook Christmas dinner for his father; what mishaps will emerge from this mixture? Written within the Twisting universe. IshiOC

**Shalan's Say: **XDDD I have no idea where this oneshot came from… I was just writing chapter three of A Place for My Heart and Kazumi mentioned that she was going to Uryu's house for Christmas dinner and VROOM off my mind went… XDDDDD I think this one should be a fun mix…

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Bleach… that right belongs to Kube Tito… if I did own it… Orihime would not exist… thusly… why I have created Kazumi… XD

**WARNING: **Some fluffy moments… and a few heated ones… of course… after they rid themselves of Ryuken… or maybe… before he gets there… XDDD

&&&

She snuggled closer to the warm body next to her, burying her face further into the warm skin. His chin rested on her head, his eyes still closed. "Stop moving around…" he grouched at her and she nearly giggled, wriggling around in his arms. He growled low in his throat and she snickered again. "You're not going to listen to me are you?" he opened one bleary blue eye and she shook her head.

"Why would I do that?" She buried her face into his neck and took in a deep breath. He smelled like Polo. She thought it was funny. He had never seemed like a Ralph Lauren kind of guy… until he had shown up on her front door step wearing it. Then again, there were a lot of things that surprised her about him and continued to even into the present day.

"Because I told you to…" he reached over then sighed, his glasses were across the room. "Why are they over there?"

"Because… I… don't really know… you must have taken them off over there yesterday morning…" his half asleep mind seemed to grasp this concept and he exasperatedly threw himself back down onto his bed where she snuggled up against him again.

"Don't you do anything useful… like something… other than snuggle or is that your only occupation?" He said sarcastically, looking out the window to his apartment. She hated the cold so every time she came over in the wintertime his heating bill would be outrageous… but usually she helped pay for it… or she just kissed it out of his mind.

"I have several others… but none of them include you…" she chuckled and sat up, straddling his waist. He looked longing across the room to his glasses. "Stop that…" she placed her hands on his muscular chest as he folded his arms behind his head, propping his head up.

"You woke me up at…" he looked over at the clock. "5:30… in the morning…" he sighed and she nodded. "Why do you seem so happy about that?" His eyes narrowed.

"Because I am…"

"You're just happy you're awake…" he retorted and she laughed. "It's true… you're always happy in the morning… it's like a dog that wakes up and immediately goes, 'oh boy oh boy I'm alive!' and then jumps around looking for something to play with…" after he said it… he immediately regretted it.

"Hmm…" he hated it when she did that… she looked at him with one eyebrow raised, her lips pursed only slightly as she contemplated what she was going to do next. It usually involved him and it usually involved his submission into the consistency of putty in her hands.

"Okay… before you do anything that's going to turn my brain into a pile of mu…" there it went… her roaming fingers had found his nether regions.

"Mush?" She asked innocently before laughing as he wrapped his arms around her and pinned her to the bed… his question could wait.

&&&

He tried to calm his racing heart, resting his chin between her breasts, as her fingers toyed with his hair. He had no idea how she did it… it didn't matter what time of day it was… or where they were… if she even started to feel a twinge of lust she would immediately jump on him. Sometimes… that put them in some very awkward places.

"I love you…" she cooed from above him and he lifted his head, looking up at her. He nodded his head and she giggled.

"I love you too, what brought that on?" He lifted an eyebrow and she smiled again, almost secretly as she braided a few strands of his bangs, together, in front of his face… he sighed, sometimes… she was so childish.

"I don't know… I just… thought you should know that…" she smiled and he smiled back. "Why are you smiling?" She looked at him as he leaned part of his weight on her stomach and reached his hand over to his bedside table. "They're not…" she trailed off as he dug in the drawer and pulled out something that made her heart stop. If he was going to do what she thought he was going to do they were going to have a hell of a time explaining that to his father… much less Momaru.

"I was going… to ask last night…" she smiled lightly as he spoke. So that was why he had invited her down the night before… it had been a wonderfully planned evening, dinner out at a nice restaurant, good wine, but there was some hesitation in his voice at the dinner table and halfway through dinner he had faltered, this must have been why. "But I screwed up and forgot it at home… I had wanted it to be a little more…"

"Romantic? What could be more romantic than watching the snow fall in bed together?" She teased and he had the urge to smack her stomach. But he didn't… because that would have meant that he would have had to move.

"Will you marry me?" He pulled open the box, what met her eyes was the most gorgeous diamond ring she had ever seen. It looked to be a 5 karat princess cut diamond set in silver. She almost asked how he afforded it then thought better of it; his father was rich enough that Uryu tended to borrow from him from time to time.

"Uryu…" she stared at him, her mind racing, his father would be furious. "What about…"

"Ryuken? I'll deal with him… the good thing is, is that he actually agreed to come to Christmas dinner… is he your only problem…" His eyes bored into hers and she considered it a few more seconds before she nodded. His heart stopped. She had said yes.

…_slowly __twistin__' __twistin__' __twistin__' in the wind…_(1) Uryu sighed and reached over to his cell phone that sat on his bedside table. Leave it to Ryuken to ruin the moment. "Hello?" Uryu slid the ring onto her finger.

"I'll be over there at 6 right?" Ryuken spoke over the phone and Uryu rolled his eyes. Leave it to the old man to double check everything. "Are you sure you want that girl to be there?"

_'Considering the fact that she's wearing my engagement ring… of course I want her to be here…'_ Uryu thought then opened his mouth to speak.

"Uryu… I'm not quite understanding this… didn't you make an agreement with me about shinigami?"

"Yeah Ryuken… when I was 15…" he sighed and Ryuken hummed from the other line in agreement. "I'm 22… might I remind you or have you forgotten that time keeps going?" He made a face at Kazumi who had to turn over and press her face into the pillow to keep from laughing.

"I don't need sarcasm from you… I'm just wondering why you broke it…" Ryuken frowned and Uryu sighed.

"Ryuken stop asking questions and just come to dinner alright?" Ryuken scoffed from the other line.

"Fine…" he hung up and Uryu tossed the phone onto the floor, throwing himself onto his back on the bed next to her.

"If I'm going to make dinner… I'm going to have to start soon…" she told him and he looked over at her, eyebrows lifted.

&&&

Kazumi bustled around in the kitchen while Uryu flipped through the channels. He had attempted to help her but she had shooed him out into the living room and he had resigned himself to sitting on the couch watching stupid Christmas movies. He found a movie, that had seemed to be good, but ended up having a happy ending which nearly made him sick to his stomach.

His Christmas, he had the feeling, wouldn't end up being very… happy. There was a 'poof' and Kazumi snorted from the kitchen and he looked over as she cracked up laughing. She now stood before him completely covered in flour. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. Maybe Christmas wouldn't be so bad after all.

"What are you doing in there?" He stood up and walked over. "What did I tell you about throwing flour around?" She looked over at him sheepishly and his hands brushed flour from her face.

"Sorry… I got a little over… enthusiastic…" his lips met hers and she felt her hips hit the counter. "Mmm… Uryu…" she managed to get out before his lips conquered hers again. Their tongues tangled together as she bounced slightly, sitting on the counter. "The turkey…" she mumbled then giggled as she brushed flour through his black hair.

"Wha-what are you doing?" He pulled back as she began sprinkling flour in his hair.

"Seeing what you would look like… grey…" she sniggered and he made a face, trying to dust the white powder out of his hair. "Then get out of the kitchen…"

"You're making a mess!" He complained and she smacked his butt, scooting him forwards a little. She snorted.

"You have a white hand print on your butt…" she laughed and the Quincy turned his head to look.

"By jove! Where did that come from?" He asked mordantly and she giggled again as he turned around. "You are getting flour everywhere…" he cornered her again and she laughed then he blinked as her flour covered hand patted his crotch. They both looked down. A white hand print was now decidedly placed between his legs. His eye line lifted to meet hers as he pursed his lips, his eye twitching slightly.

"You have a hand print on your crotch…" she pointed out, trying to keep from smiling. He opened his mouth to speak but decided against it as her smile sparkled slightly. That would just make her happier knowing that she had gotten to him.

"Why… I do… don't I?" He said in mock surprise, his eyebrow twitching upwards. She tilted her head cheerfully and his look grew sour. She was doing this to annoy him. Suddenly a pair of hands patted his chest.

"You have hand prints on your…" he kissed her, hard, pressing the back of her head against the corner of the kitchen. "Take a shower…" she laughed then gasped as suddenly a cloud of flour flew into the air and she was covered by a new sheet of white powder.

"Sorry… I was just trying to see what you would look like grey…" he snorted and she patted his cheek.

"My love… I am never going to go grey… I just thought I should remind you of this…" she chuckled and he sighed.

"I know… but… I would like to see what you would look like…" she kissed him again then he groaned as the phone rang. She snickered. "Let the machine get it…" he told her then kissed her again.

"It's probably Ichigo, Rukia and Renji… do you want those three on an answering machine?" She laughed and he grumbled something about being interrupted.

"I suppose you have a point… Ishida residence… nobody I know or like would call me at this hour…" Uryu looked at the clock as he answered the phone. 8 AM… it was too early to be moving on a Sunday morning.

"URYU!"

"Ichigo!" He sounded far from enthusiastic as Kazumi hummed, sweeping up the flour. He attempted to pat the flour out of his jeans but only succeeded in fading it.

"HEY! QUINCY-BOY!"

"Renji…" he sighed then heard Rukia chime in behind them.

"HEY DUDE!"

"Why are all three of you shouting at me? Have I done something wrong today already? I haven't even been out of bed that long…" he set the phone down, putting it on speakerphone.

"KAZUMI!" Renji shouted.

"If you three don't stop shouting I'm going to come up there to the Soul Society and gut you one by one with a spoon…" he grouched at them and they laughed.

"Getting more creative are we?" Ichigo sniggered and he heard something crash from the other side and Byakuya's angry voice.

"THAT WAS A VERY EXPENSIVE VASE KUROSAKI!" Uryu snorted as Ichigo attempted to calm down the angered captain.

"Geez…he acts like breaking the vase is going to cause his demise…" Renji laughed and Uryu heard the tide of the oldest Kuchiki's anger turn towards the red head.

"Sorry Uryu… happy Christmas…" Rukia sighed as Ichigo and Renji got into a shouting match with Byakuya. "I'm surprised the swords haven't been brought into the picture… WHOA! HEY YOU GUYS! PUT THOSE AWAY! Sorry Uryu… gonna hafta call you back…" she hung up.

"The only person who wishes us Happy Christmas… has to go to break up a sword fight between three shinigami who could all three, potentially destroy each other if given the chance… why not just let them have the ultimate showdown? It would be interesting…" Kazumi noted and Uryu laughed. She had a point.

"Should I take a shower?" He looked down at himself.

"Yes… you're covered in flour…" she hit his butt with a something hard and he found it to be her sheath.

"Why are you hitting me with swords now? I thought we were over that stage…" he easily wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing his lips to her neck.

"Quincy! Bath! Now!" She barked and he whimpered. "I'll give you a present…" she smiled sweetly.

"What's this present you speak of?" He asked and she shrugged.

"I'll think about it while you're showering…" his hips bucked against hers and she yelped. "No… not unless you go take a bath right now…"

"But-but-but… you have to take a shower too… why don't you just come take one with me?" He mumbled, swaying her with him from side to side.

"Because… I have to make dinner…" she told him and he pouted. "You're pathetic Mr. I'm The Last Of My Kind…"

"Actually… according to my father… that title belongs to him…"

"Well he's wrong… you're the last in the bloodline… this makes you the last Quincy…" she pointed her sword at him. "Now! Shower!" He jumped and ran off.

"Alright! Just stop pointing sharp objects at me!" he called as he disappeared into the bathroom.

&&&

He padded into his living room and looked around, not seeing anyone he narrowed his eyes. He heard talking… he padded into the other room and sighed with dismay. His father was sitting on the couch talking pleasantly with his fiancé. She had taken a shower after he had and then continued cooking. After which, about 30 minutes before his father was due to arrive she had sent him out for something… now he had forgotten what as he saw his father having a casual conversation with the creature that he hated.

"Uryu…" Kazumi smiled and he cursed under his breath as his father turned to look at him. "How are you?" She grinned.

"I'm great…" he walked in as his father eyed him. "Ryuken…" he nodded his head and he had the feeling that something bad was about to happen.

"Uryu… take a seat, we were just talking about your futures together…" his eyebrow lifted and Uryu gulped lightly. His eyes landed on her and she lifted her eyebrows and he stared at her pointedly and she shook her head. He wanted to wipe his forehead, at least she hadn't told him about their engagement… he noticed that she had take off the ring.

"I should check on the turkey." Kazumi stood up and walked out, Uryu reached for her hand to keep her from leaving him in the living room alone with his father but to no avail, she walked out before he could catch her.

"I get the feeling that you don't even want to be in the same room as me Uryu…" Ryuken turned to face him on the couch.

"I don't," Uryu sighed, at least he was honest.

"I understand that… she is charming to say the least…" Ryuken's eyes left his son and turned towards the woman who was now happily humming away in the kitchen. "I wonder however did you find her?"

"Kazumi?" Uryu scratched his nose. "She tried to kill me…" he remembered their first meeting when she had nearly stabbed him until Byakuya had stepped in. Ryuken blinked.

"Dangerous… don't you think?" Ryuken looked up as the captain walked into the room again.

"Can I get you anything?" Her bubbly outer appearance hid the extremely powerful captain beneath in order to keep from blowing her cover to the humans.

"Wine… red wine…" he looked back at Uryu who looked over at her.

"I'm not really thirsty…" she nodded at him then bounced back out of the room.

"She seems a little…" He looked over at Uryu who by this point was about to fall over, she was playing her part a little too well…

"Over enthusiastic?" Uryu suggested as she bubbled her way back into their room, handing Ryuken the wine glass then puttered back out. Uryu tried hard not to laugh at her.

"I was going to say… ditzy… but that works too…" Ryuken sipped the glass. "This is good… what is it?" He looked into the other room and Uryu watched as her disposition suddenly changed. It was then that he knew where it was from. It was one of those bottles that she had spoken of… the bottles that her family had put away the day before they had been killed. Uryu nearly punched himself in the head. She was stupid sometimes…

"A very special wine…" she turned around, "my family set that wine away just before they were killed… in a… deadly accident…" her eyes met Ryuken's and his eyebrows went up curiously.

"Ryuken…" Uryu frowned as Kazumi walked off. "That's not just any normal shinigami…" his voice was low but Kazumi still looked at him out of the corner of her eye then went back to what she had been doing. He nearly vamped across the room he moved so quickly to sit next to his father. "She's the captain of the 9th court guard squad… Kazumi Hasegawa…" his father blinked at him.

"Well I figured with the red hair…" Uryu blinked. "You seem to think that I don't know anything about the shinigami…"

"Well I didn't think you would know anything about the current situation…" Ryuken sighed and sipped from the glass.

"This is why I am the true genius and you are just a mere copy cat…" he sipped again and Uryu's eye twitched. "I am heir to that title you apparently possess…"

"At least he has the balls to use his power…" Kazumi spoke from the doorway and Ryuken looked up.

"Who are you to talk to me like that little girl?" His eyes flashed and Uryu sighed. He knew this was a bad idea to begin with.

"Little girl?" She lifted an eyebrow. "I'm probably 100 years your senior thank you…" she folded her arms across her chest. Ryuken eyed her. "And I don't much appreciate you insulting him like that…"

"So then… you're the one they keep talking about…" Uryu blinked as he father stood up and then did something he had never seen his father do before. He bowed, low, one arm folded across his stomach. "I apologize."

"Mock bows aren't needed… if you wish… I could make you bow with one finger…" she frowned. "You gave up your heritage long ago Ryuken Ishida… you are nothing compared to what you could have been… so keep your mouth shut… because at least… Uryu is doing something with the talent he has been given…" Ryuken threw her a dirty look.

"What do you know about Quincy?"

"More than you do obviously…" Uryu almost snorted at that one. "I was born during the time that Quincy were bountiful on this earth… I was forced to learn their ways… after all… your family made a pact with mine didn't they?"

"I do not need to be schooled in my own family history by a petulant shinigami who seems to have no regard for her guests…"

"I do not need to be in the presence of a Quincy who continuously puts his son down instead of congratulating him on anything… even his wedding…" Ryuken and Uryu froze at that one. "Yes… I told you… we…" she pointed at Uryu and then herself. "Are getting married…" she folded her arms across her chest.

"That's ridiculous… she'll outlive you…" Ryuken frowned.

"But when he dies he will go to the soul society like every other human… from there I can pick him up…" she retorted. "Then he will be just like me…"

"If that scientist doesn't find him first…" Ryuken's eyes were locked on his son and Uryu stared right back.

"Mayuri will listen when I tell him to leave him alone…" Kazumi frowned and Ryuken stood up.

"I refuse to be in a room with someone who made a promise and couldn't keep it… you are no son of mine…" Ryuken set the glass down. "Miss Hasegawa… I take my leave of you… I knew this was going to be a mistake… just like my son…" he shot Uryu a look over his shoulder then walked out of the room.

Kazumi stared at the wall as they both smelled something burning. He looked over at her and he saw tears there, sparkling against the iridescent blue of her eyes. She walked into the kitchen and he heard her open the oven door. "Kazumi…" he said from the doorway and he heard her choke, the tears had begun. "Angel (2)…" he walked into the kitchen and knelt down next to her, wrapping his arms around her. She buried her face into his shoulder and he kissed her head gently as she sobbed into his shirt.

"I'm so-sorry…" she whispered through her tears. He sat down and pulled her into his lap as he sat Indian style.

"Angel… everything's okay…" his hand rested gently on the back of her head his other arm wrapped around her waist.

"I burnt the turkey…" she laughed through her tears.

"You did?" He looked into the over and his face split into a grin. Inside was a blackened turkey.

"Sorry… I screwed everything up…" she sobbed and he smiled, kissing her hair. Suddenly there was a knock at his front door and he looked over as suddenly the door slammed open.

"HEY! WE'VE BROUGHT YOU A LITTLE HOLIDAY CHEER!" Ichigo roared, wearing a Santa Clause outfit, along with Renji. Rukia followed behind wearing a pair of jeans and a red and green t-shirt.

"Renji, Ichigo… Rukia…" Kazumi smiled.

"I smell roasted turkey!" Ichigo sniffed the air.

"Yeah… we're a couple of roasted turkeys alright…" Kazumi looked over at Uryu and he smiled lightly, wrapping and arm around her waist as they stood up.

&&&

XDDD That was completely random… forgive the mistakes… I wrote this in like… two hours… XDDDD uhm… yeah… read and you don't really have to review… but if you like it then do so

Shalan


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